During my Futzle: The Live Musical concert in August 2024, some unwise commentator in the chat suggested that they'd like to hear me do a Christmas song. Careful what you wish for!
I might never write another Christmas song, so I put every cliché into this one that I could think of: the close boy-band harmony, the tubular bells, the Truck Driver's Gear Change. Something a bit less obvious is the choice of musical intervals I use in the melody. Sixths feel festive to me, and the chorus is full of them; indeed, the chorus has no thirds, fourths, or fifths at all. Try yodelling it!
My thanks to all the Fedi contributors who gave their time and musical talent to this recording. Most of the instrumental parts are the improvised compositions by their respective performers. My job as L Plate Engineer is to take these recordings and mix them into something coherent, a musical analogue to Mr Squiggle finishing the drawing. I try to take on a supporting role, and let the contributors' tracks stand on their own. The only parts of mine that stand out are the lead vocals and the trumpet in the interlude. Good luck identifying the rest!
The L Plate Players are:
- @herzleid@weirder.earth on vocals
- @jimbob@aus.social on electric guitars and slide guitar
- @nein09@weirder.earth on violin
- @pelagikat@eigenmagic.net on vocals
- @philsawa@ioc.exchange on bells and pads
- @pilum@fedi.j1nk4l.com on flugelhorn
- @raaahbin@eigenmagic.net on vocals and oboe
- @sknob@mamot.fr on acoustic guitars, tubular bells and glockenspiel
- @virtualwolf@aus.social on bass and drums
- and me, @futzle@old.mermaid.town, filling in all the rest: slide guitar, synth trumpet, synth trombone, EP, analogue strings, backing vocals, lead vocals,
- oh and my cat Oscar (not on the Fedi) on meow at 3:32.
Thanks also to @controlfreak@mas.to for production assistance, and to my Mum for her perfect collection of Christmas ornaments for the artwork.
This release is Creative Commons CC-BY-NC.
Season’s greetings, my old friend
Goodness knows it’s been a while
It’s been great to see you smile
Now your heart is on the mend
You don’t have to hold a torch
For relationships that you’ve been stuck in
Why’d you have to bake a whole turducken?
Now there’s vultures on your porch
It's a complicated business with your stuffing and your roast
Three veg, potatoes, gravy and a bun
I’m staying home this Christmas with a couple bits of toast
A trifle burnt, but never overdone
Now I’ve sworn off big to-dos
Mostly for my mental health
I don’t have to travel stealth
Now I know that I can choose
Here’s my digital hometown
I’ll admit that that sounds kind of hokey
We are also bad at karaoke
But we’ll try to keep it down
Their lack of tone and rhythm has you abandoning your post
They’re butchering “We’ve Only Just Begun”
I’m staying home this Christmas on the radio, engrossed
And cheering as Tendulkar scores a ton
It’s hard to be the isthmus, bridging coast to fragile coast
Shields up, defensive, phasers set to stun
I’m staying home this Christmas with some Dickens and the Ghost
Of Christmas Present, that’s my kind of fun
Another messy schism as your drunk uncle overdosed
And brazenly misgendered your stepson
I’m staying home this Christmas with the folks who matter most
Found family, a tapestry homespun
I’m staying home this Christmas where my home is localhost
One twenty-seven zero zero one